Comic Book / How to Be Ace

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How to Be Ace: A Memoir of Growing Up Asexual is the debut graphic novel of Rebecca Burgess, published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers on October 21, 2020. It's a memoir about their coming to terms with their sexual orientation in a society that constantly discusses and revolves around sex. It also chronicles their struggles with navigating their world as an autistic person with OCD, and trying to make it through art college and becoming an artist.

How to Trope a Book About Asexuality:

• 20 Minutes into the Past: The graphic novel, published in 2020, chronicles Rebecca's late teen and early adult years in the 2000s, back when people listened to music on iPods, before Google Maps was released, and when the Great Recession affected university graduates even in the UK.
• Ambiguously Absent Parent: Rebecca's father is never seen nor mentioned, while their mother raises them and Sarah by herself, with Rebecca living with her in their first university year before moving in with their colleagues.
• And Knowing Is Half the Battle: At the end of each chapter is a short lesson about the a-spectrum, educating people about aromanticism, asexuality, and their complexities in between.
• Affectionate Nickname: Sophie calls her partner Rebecca "Bex" when texting them.
• All of the Other Reindeer: Rebecca, who is autistic, is constantly bullied in high school, being called a weirdo for not making eye contact, not having friends in their class, and still watching cartoons at 16. It makes going to school a chore for them because they have to hide what makes them "different" from the others, including their disinterest in sex, just to survive. Although they make new friends with like-minded peers in art college and grow more confident in themself, they still feel out of place and struggle to fit in.
• Alone Among the Couples: Rebecca believes that they're just falling behind the others when it comes to romance and sex. They recall their past kisses and attempted dates, but while they still get crushes, it turns out they were never interested in sex because they're ace.
• Art Shift: Rebecca's Imagine Spot in Chapter 4 is depicted as childish scribbles.
• Author Avatar: In-Universe. Rebecca's roleplay characters are based on themself since they have anxiety issues like them. One of their characters, Archie, also has the same phobias as them, and they explore these themes with Sophie's characters.
• Barbie Doll Anatomy: People having sex in movies and at the end of Chapter 3 are depicted without nipples.
• Be Yourself: The biggest takeaway Rebecca learns from university is that it's okay to be the person they truly are, not what society expects them to be. As much as they try to fit in with its norms, such as going out for drinks with their peers, they never feel happy about it, and learning to ignore these expectations because they're not harming anyone for being themself is what liberates them from their worries.
• Break-Up Song: Conversed. Rebecca complains about most sad songs being either about breakups or being alone because they can't relate to them as an asexual.
• Can't Hold Their Liquor: Rebecca hates drinking because just half a glass makes them sick. Combined with loud partying overwhelming them, they immediately call off their date with Tom.
• Career Not Taken: Chapter 5 focuses on Rebecca's struggles with getting a job in the wake of the Great Recession. They move to Bristol but consider a Soul-Crushing Desk Job instead of their dream job as an artist just to be able to put food on the table. Later on, they settle with being a house cleaner for five years until they get a decent illustrator job.
• Casual Kink: At the end of Chapter 3, one asexual person casually tells the reader about exploring kinks while engaging in BDSM, saying it's a valid way for some aces to explore their sexuality without getting too physical.
• Censor Suds: In Chapter 3, Rebecca is covered by soap suds and running water when showering.
• Clingy Jealous Girl: Rebecca and Sophie's preferred display of affection is hugging, so much that their friends assume they can be as touchy-feely as Rebecca and Sophie are to each other. This sometimes leads to Rebecca getting irrationally jealous and insecure when their housemate cuddles with Sophie.
• Commonality Connection: In Chapter 3, Rebecca tries dating Tom over their mutual preference for quiet bonding over loud parties, but Rebecca quickly calls it off due to being overwhelmed by partying and drinking, which they only did to try fitting in. Then in Chapter 4, they reconnect over their same sense of humor and feelings of being overwhelmed, which gives Rebecca the courage to open up to him about their OCD. They soon fall in love with him and try dating him again, but they still run out on him the moment he sensually cuddles them.
• Content Warnings: Before the table of contents, there's a trigger warning for bullying, anxiety, OCD, rape, sex, and alcohol.
• "Eureka!" Moment: Rebecca says that showering is where they usually torment themself mentally when stressed, but in Chapter 3, they get an epiphany while showering that they should stop worrying about trying to please others just because society tells them so.
• Exiled to the Couch: As Andy and Rebecca's relationship breaks down due to the latter's failure to properly communicate with him about their disinterest in sex, he grows aloof and ends up sleeping on the floor. Rebecca then enters the room and rudely breaks up with him before leaving. Rebecca grows to regret this because they eventually patch things up with Andy and remain friends.
• Face Your Fears: Rebecca's therapist advises them to face their phobia by letting go of their routines tied to their OCD, but Rebecca feels more scared of doing so because they believe they make them feel safe. However, the therapist says that these routines only reinforce Rebecca's belief that the entire world is scary, so to let go of their routines, they must accept that bad things can't always be prevented, and they must face their fears head on. Rebecca feels less assured and more overwhelmed by this, so their mother gently reminds them to take their time in improving themself, bit by bit, because even a little progress still counts.
• Gay Aesop: The memoir is a personal account of the author's life as an asexual, educating readers about the orientation, its diversity and culture, the common misconceptions surrounding it, and how to support the community.
• Good Parents: Whenever Rebecca is feeling distressed, they can always turn to their mother as their grown-up support. She's the one who gives them gentle reminders to take things slowly, one step at a time, in order to overcome their big problems.
• Growling Gut: In Chapter 5, Rebecca's stomach growls as they starve on the streets while trying to find a stable job.
• Hates Being Touched: Rebecca gets anxiety attacks when they try being physically intimate with Andy, so after their first night together, Rebecca avoids touching him, even though they like him romantically.
• Identical Twin ID Tag: Rebecca's twin sister Sarah has the same bushy brown hair as them, except her hair is a bit longer and she wears glasses.
• Idiosyncratic Episode Naming: Each chapter title is written like an instruction manual — "How to..." followed by the chapter's topic. The final chapter is titled "How to Be Ace".
• Imagine Spot: At the start of Chapter 4, Rebecca imagines themself getting their own house, becoming a published author, and having a healthy relationship with a female classmate and adopting a dog with her, all in 10 years. However, Rebecca's fantasies get interrupted when they're handed out their poor exam results.
• Innocent Bigot: Rebecca's therapist suggests that Rebecca is afraid of being sexually intimate with Tom because the former is not ready yet, but the therapist doesn't realise that this is actually because Rebecca is a sex-repulsed ace.
• Law of Conservation of Detail: Conversed by Rebecca's art professor in Chapter 4. He criticizes their art project's decorative border, saying that it wasn't necessary and that every mark in the comic should have a meaning, expressing exactly what the artist wants to convey.
• LGBT Awakening: At the end of Chapter 4, Rebecca finally realises they are asexual when they look up the term online. They learn that the label doesn't mean they're broken, just that they experience sexual attraction differently from others — specifically, they don't, even though they experience romantic attraction.
• Loners Are Freaks: Rebecca feels pressured to socialise because they're told that being alone makes them miserable. However, being autistic makes connecting with others a real struggle for them, and they're shamed for preferring quiet spots alone instead of going out with a romantic or sexual partner.
• Long-Distance Relationship: After graduating uni, Rebecca keeps in contact with their crush Sophie online, even roleplaying ace stories together on the forums. They even send each other letters and draw fanart of their characters. When Rebecca moves to Bristol, they're excited to meet Sophie in person more often there, and they grow even closer until they become an item at the end of Chapter 5.
• Messy Hair: Rebecca has a messy head of brown hair, which they get bullied for in high school.
• Nerds Are Naïve: Rebecca is a quiet nerd who likes discussing manga and video games more than talking about other people's love lives, such as when they immediately zone out at Mary-Anne gushing about her new boyfriend to Sarah.
• Nervous Wreck: Rebecca often gets anxiety attacks at night because of their autism and OCD. They feel constant dread that makes them restless before they fall asleep without realising it, and they feel like they have a hangover when they wake up. Their panic attacks become so severe, they finally decide to get therapy, even though they're scared, but the therapist's advice to let go of Rebecca's routines makes them only more paranoid. Thankfully, their mother gently assures them to take their time in bettering themself, little by little.
• New Transfer Student: In Chapter 4, Rebecca is delighted to meet Sophie, the new girl in their class and the only one to show up that day. They last met each other in a Halloween party, and Rebecca has enjoyed talking to her since then.
• No Social Skills: Rebecca is autistic, so they struggle with learning social cues and making new friends. They have to practice by themself what to say to the bus driver just to buy a ticket, and even though they befriend others with the same "quirky" interests as them in art college, Rebecca still finds it hard to connect with them. For them, socialising is a draining obligation they need to consciously put effort in.
• Obsessively Organized: Rebecca has OCD, so they have strict and specific routines they uphold such as dressing from top to bottom but never the other way around, reading before bed only on days they don't shower, always finishing on the left page and never on the right, and sleeping facing the door and not the wall until 4AM. They believe breaking these routines would result in something bad happening, and it constantly keeps them up all night. They get an anxiety attack when their attempt to sleep with Andy disrupts their routine.
• Occidental Otaku: Rebecca is a British fan of manga and is glad to find their uni classmates are also into it and anime.
• Paralyzing Fear of Sexuality: Rebecca feels put off by their teenage peers already having sex, and finds getting their own boyfriend scary. They believe they're only not interested in their male classmates in high school due to their immaturity, and that sex is just a "scary new thing" Rebecca would eventually try. They try dating in university because they still feel romantic attraction, but they feel extremely nervous about having sex, believing that they're "broken" for not wanting it at all. Even their therapist thinks that they're just not ready for sex yet due to past bad experiences. Rebecca realises later on that they're a sex-repulsed ace, which they shouldn't feel ashamed of because not everyone is into sex as society makes it out to be.
• Personal Raincloud: Towards the end of Chapter 3, a dark rain cloud grows and weighs down on Rebecca as they feel ashamed of being "different" because of their anxiety issues and asexuality, although they didn't know the latter term at the time. When they get their shower epiphany to just be themself and ignore societal expectations, the rain cloud disappears.
• Playing Sick: In the beginning of Chapter 1, Rebecca tries excusing themself off of school with a cold, but their mother sees right through it, saying they just don't want to go to PE (Physical Education) class.
• Queer Colors: In Chapter 3, Rebecca starts wearing a black jacket and pants along with a purple-and-white shirt and shoes, the colors of the ace flag. This "true self" is compared to the version of what Rebecca believes society expects them to be — a Hard-Drinking Party Girl in bright clothes.
• Rape and Switch: Conversed. Rebecca mentions ignorant men trying to convince ace people, especially women, that they just haven't had "good sex" with them and they can "change their mind" about it, to the point that the men force themselves upon them to try "converting" them.
• Sex Miseducation Class: In Chapter 2, Rebecca's sex ed teacher only tells the class not to do it without a condom, but still emphasises abstinence. This only makes Rebecca feel intimidated about sex, even though they aren't interested in it, because it feels like an obligation to them.
• Shout-Out:
  • Rebecca, an Occidental Otaku, has the manga of Cardcaptor Sakura in their bedroom. They also excitedly tell Mary-Anne about Volume 4 of Fruits Basket, who in turn gushes about Gravitation. In Chapter 2, Rebecca reads Emma while waiting for the bus, and is surprised to learn that Dante also knows The Vision of Escaflowne.
  • Chapter 1:
    • Rebecca gets called Hagrid for their Messy Hair by a bully.
    • Two other bullies shout, "Run, Forrest, ruuun!" at Rebecca as the latter walks home, dejectedly.
  • In Chapter 2, Pete shares with Rebecca some of his favourite bands such as Belle and Sebastian and the Guillemots.
  • In Chapter 3, Jack describes Tom as living his life like in Withnail and I. Rebecca, who hasn't seen it yet, pretends to know what it is, and then asks Jack if he's seen The Science of Sleep. Rebecca later watches Beauty and the Beast (1991) and The Little Mermaid (1989) and gets frustrated over even "kid's movies" almost always having the hero get together with their partner at the end.
  • In Chapter 4, Rebecca talks about the negative portrayals of some ace-coded characters such as Sebastian becoming an alcoholic and Charles marrying the former's sister Julia despite his chemistry with Sebastian; Sherlock being a "high-functioning sociopath" and Dexter being a serial killer; and Jughead being aro-ace in the original comics but inexplicably getting a girlfriend in Riverdale. On the upside, Rebecca discusses how they felt validated by Good Omens (2019) when Neil Gaiman confirmed on Twitter that Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship can be interpreted as aro or ace due to their otherworldliness.
• Smitten Teenage Girl: In Chapter 2, Mary-Anne, who's still in high school when Rebecca visits her, gushes about her new boyfriend from Hong Kong to Sarah, and they both have a lengthy talk about him.
• Speech-Bubble Censoring: At the end of Chapter 3, an asexual man doing it with his girlfriend has his entire backside covered by his speech bubble.
• Stealth Pun: At the end of the story, Rebecca gets caught in the rain and uses an ace flag to keep themself dry. In other words, they're using a literal ace umbrella^note "umbrella" refers to the sub-identities that fall under asexuality such as demisexual and gray-ace.
• The Stoner: Among Rebecca's college peers, Sean, Tom, and Dante like going out for a smoke. Rebecca tries connecting with Tom only because they think he's better at conversations as a stoner than the drunk partygoers.
• Surprisingly Shared Secret: In Chapter 4, Rebecca gets along well with Sophie because they both are romantically interested in other people but are not into sex. Rebecca, who had been repressing their asexuality, is relieved that they're not the only one who feels this way, and they hope to meet with Sophie again. They end up hitting it off at the end of the following chapter.
• Suspicious Missed Messages: In Chapter 5, Rebecca invites Sophie to the former's house for a Halloween party, but she doesn't reply for a long time. Rebecca gets anxious over the missed messages and fears they might've come off too strongly on her by sending her a message with hearts. They breathe a sigh of relief when Sophie finally texts back that she wasn't able to attend and offers to meet up soon.
• Take That!: Back when Rebecca didn't realise how badly the Great Recession would affect them, they would laugh at the news, particularly at Boris Johnson being elected Mayor of London in 2008. But as Rebecca then struggled with finding a job, they complained about David Cameron's announcement of the recession's end, saying they were lies.
• Terrified of Germs: Rebecca is very reluctant to clean up their flat's sitting room early in the morning every day because they're afraid of catching germs.
• Virgin-Shaming: Rebecca believes that they should have sex, even though they hate it, because society says that everyone "eventually" wants it and that virgins are "losers" for not getting laid "yet".
• Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Rebecca has extreme emetophobia (fear of vomiting), which makes them anxious at night. They perform specific routines to temporarily relieve themself of this fear, so when they're told by their therapist to let go of them and face their fear head-on, Rebecca spirals into a paranoid fit to the point they can't eat properly.
• Yaoi Fangirl: In Chapter 1, Mary-Anne gushes about Gravitation, a Boys' Love manga. Rebecca pretends to be interested in it, fearing they'd lose their friendship with her if they told her they don't like it.
• Youthful Freckles: Sophie sports some freckles on her cheeks, making her look young as an adult.