Destiny Murtaugh lived with poor body image for years. She attributes it to the fact that she grew up in a house very tied to diet culture. “My family definitely prescribed and still does believe that skinny is healthy, and skinny is the only way to be worthy,” she says.
These beliefs were passed from generation to generation. “My grandma saw her mother negatively talking about her body and dieting, and internalized that and started to believe those things herself,” she explains.
This mindset trickled down to Murtaugh’s mother, and then, finally, Murtaugh herself. “That had a really, really negative effect on me growing up,” she confesses. “I had really bad body image and self-esteem, and that was compounded by the kind of relationship my family had with their bodies. We’re not born hating our bodies. That’s something that we learn.”
A positive body image is important for everyone, but it’s especially important for anyone who is considered overweight or has obesity and wants to adopt a healthier lifestyle, says Supatra Tovar, PsyD, a psychologist and registered dietitian in Pasadena, California. “When you treat your body as a friend, not an enemy, you make choices that support rather than punish it,” she explains.
Obesity and Body Image
Obesity and body image are related, but the connection isn’t simply about weight — it’s about stigma, says Sera Lavelle, PhD, a New York City-based clinical psychologist. “In our culture, weight has become a moral issue, and people in larger bodies are constantly exposed to judgment and bias,” she explains. Over time, that erodes self-esteem and creates shame around food and appearance, she adds.
Body dissatisfaction doesn’t increase only with weight. People in the healthy or slightly overweight range feel the most pressure to change. “They’re close enough to society’s ideal to believe they ‘should’ be able to reach it, which can fuel frustration and self-criticism,” says Lavelle. “There’s no finish line — they believe they’re never thin enough, never ‘perfect’ enough, and that constant striving drives emotional distress.”
Why You Need to Maintain a Healthy Body Image During Weight Loss
You’ll be more successful with your weight loss if you view your body in a positive light, stresses Lavelle. “When people dislike their bodies, they tend to approach change as punishment — restricting, pushing, or criticizing themselves into submission,” Lavelle explains. “That approach usually collapses under its own pressure.”
But if you start your weight loss journey from a place of self-respect, you’ll pay better attention to how your body feels and how to fuel it properly, she says. “When someone starts from a place of shame, the motivation often sounds like, ‘I’ll still be fat no matter what, so why bother?’” she says. “That sense of defeat before they even begin is so heartbreaking.”
For Murtaugh, that takes shape as body confidence, or what she dubs as body neutrality. “It just really means how to be comfortable in your own skin,” she explains. Otherwise, she notes, you may find your body image woes persist even after weight loss. “Confidence isn’t going to just magically appear because you have a size 4 pant instead of a 24,” she explains. “If you hate yourself now as a size 24, you’re still going to hate yourself if you lose all the weight because you haven’t done any of the work and nothing has changed.”
A healthy body image affects more than just weight loss, she says. “Self-love and body confidence is intrinsically tied to our mental health,” she explains. “If you’re in a good place with your self-esteem and self-love, you’re more likely to have a positive mindset, and your mental health is going to be positively impacted.” As a result, you’ll be more likely to thrive in all parts of your life.
How to Cultivate a Better Body Image
It may seem daunting to improve your body image, but it’s very possible, reassures Tovar. Here are some ways to get there.
Practice mindfulness. Research shows mindfulness-based activities may help to boost body image. Start with mindfulness exercises that help to reconnect you to hunger and fullness, advises Tovar. You can do some deep breathing in between bites at a meal, for example. Another option is to practice a daily affirmation, such as “I deserve dignity and care today. My body needs nourishment,” suggests Charlotte Markey, PhD, professor of psychology at Rutgers University in Camden, New Jersey, and author of The Body Image Book series.
Focus on function. Tovar recommends that you make a daily list of things you’re grateful that your body can do, like walking, dancing, hugging, thinking, and creating. It will help shift your attention from how your body looks, she explains, to all the great things it can do. You can also track non-scale victories like more energy, better sleep, fewer cravings, and improved mood. “These all show true health progress,” says Tovar.
Reframe negative self-talk. If a harsh thought enters your head, like “I look disgusting,” replace it with “I’m having a hard body day,” advises Lavelle. “That small shift creates distance between you and the thought.”
It also helps to ask yourself what’s really happening. “When we’re triggered by stress, comparison, a number on the scale, or even a passing comment, the brain zooms in on perceived flaws,” says Lavelle. Ask yourself if something else made you feel out of control, rejected, or anxious. Your body criticism may actually be emotional discomfort.
Curate your social media. People who reduce their social media use by 50% for just a few weeks see significant improvements in how they feel about both their weight and overall appearance. Limit the time you spend on sites like Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram, and when you are on them, try to follow accounts that focus on psychological well-being, body diversity, and mindful living. “Unfollow anyone whose content triggers self-judgement,” says Tovar.
You can also build your own body-confident profile on social media. Murtaugh gained a social media platform after she began to work on her first novel. Once she connected with other authors, she gained more confidence and slowly began to post about body image and self-love. “I wanted to start being the change for people,” she says. “I wanted a body that looked like mine on social media because I never had that growing up.” She now has over 10,000 followers on Instagram and over 160,000 on TikTok.
Build small, sustainable habits. Add tiny behaviors like balanced meals, daily walks, and short mindfulness practices to your daily routine. “Small consistent actions rebuild trust between your mind and your body,” explains Tovar. This in turn will help to boost your body image.
Get help for mental health struggles. Mental health awareness hit home for Murtaugh when she was in college, after she lost a cousin to suicide. “This isn’t always just something that you can push through,” she says. “It’s OK to ask for help.” She practices self-care by reading, listening to music, and going on solitary walks on the beach. “Mental health is something that’s lifelong,” she says. “It’s a 365-day-a-year thing.” Your primary care provider can refer you to a talk therapist, or you go to the American Psychological Association’s website to find one who specializes in body image near you.
Takeaway
It may be hard to build a better body image, but the results are worth it. “We know that real change comes from self-support, not self-attack — you can’t hate yourself for your health,” stresses Lavelle. “When body image improves, motivation becomes steadier.” The result? You’re more likely to make choices that nurture your well-being, rather than just shrink yourself.
