As we get older, it's very normal to look back and realize that our younger selves put up with a whole lot of crap we wouldn't tolerate for a second now. Recently, older adults on Reddit called out behaviors they won't put up with anymore, even in their closest loved ones, and it's honestly good advice for people of any age. Here's what they had to say:
1. "Being hypercritical. I’m a 63-year-old woman, and I am OVER pleasing people like this."
2. "Anyone telling me to smile. I’m not here to perform."
"And outside the entertainment industry, it's always men saying this to women.
I could be out for a run. 'Smile!' I could be deep in thought, programming a computer on a deadline. 'Smile! It ain't so bad!'
I am NOT a cheerleader! Men don't get told to smile while they're working out. Men don't get told to smile while they're working on a serious analytical problem. They aren't ordered by strangers to smile while choosing avocados at the grocery store.
So. Damn. Annoying. Were we a less civilized society, I would throw something. Watching some asshole duck would make me smile."
3. "I'm no longer letting people pass off passive aggression as 'sarcasm.'"
"'Sarcasm is my second language' and stuff like that are a huge red flag for me."
4. "Chronic complaining. Some is okay (we all need to vent sometimes). But I’ve known people who seem incapable of being positive about anything. They suck the joy and energy out of everyone around them."
5. "People who only show up when they need something. I used to give them grace: 'They’re just busy. They don’t mean it.' Nah. They meant it. They meant to disappear until it benefited them to remember me. Now it’s simple: If the energy’s not mutual, the access gets cut. I don't care if we’ve known each other since dial-up."
6. "Not taking responsibility for something. It drives me crazy when people do this."
7. "Manipulation. Done with that. That’s why I’m done with my narcissistic sister."
8. "One-upmanship. I tell you something good, you have to tell me something better. I tell you something bad, of course, your problem is worse."
"One of my 'favorite' examples of this was when I commented to an old friend about a cheese I'd found recently that I liked. This person never missed a chance to brag about how well-traveled he was, and immediately had to tell me how much better the cheese was in France. He went on and on about it. Finally, I'm like, 'Dude. That's nice, but I can't fly to France every time I want some goddamn cheese!'"
9. "People repeatedly crossing boundaries I have set, and they're aware of their existence. I dumped a 'friend' of more than 30 years not too long ago for that shit. If I tell a person, 'Don't text or call me at 3 in the morning,' and they do it anyway? And then do it again? And again? For no reason other than they're awake and obsessing about something stupid? Three strikes, you're out."
—None
10. "Anyone who makes their psychological issues the center of their personality. A formerly good friend has a laundry list of mental health problems, many of them self-diagnosed. After a certain point, I realized that I really don't care WHY he's argumentative, hateful, unreliable, and completely self-centered. I just care THAT he is all those things and that he's not interested in changing."
11. "Homophobia. We're a gay couple in rural Poland, and it's always been normal to get mocking comments about gay people; some good Christians even openly thought that homosexuals deserved AIDS. My partner is disabled, he has had cancer several times, and he's very fragile these days. I'm a business owner, but I'm not interested in doing business with anyone who mocks him. People mostly ignore the fact that I am gay, and they focus on my partner. Somehow, my homosexuality doesn't count as much as his; it's weird."
"He's recognizably gay, much smaller than me, he has a gentle way of speaking, and I guess people view him as an easier target. It's funny when people think they can be my friends or business partners while being cruel toward him and his health issues.
Forty years ago, I didn't think it was possible to have friendships in our village without people being weird about gay relationships; we ignored a lot for the sake of preserving polite relationships. But homophobia is not something I have patience for anymore, and I have no interest in maintaining a relationship with people who behave like that. The world has changed. We have wonderful friends who don't give a damn that we're gay, my family has calmed down about it, and I don't need everybody's money."
12. "Habitual lateness. I will give you 10, after that, I'm gone."
13. "People who can’t appreciate the little things. I won't necessarily cut such a person out of my life, but I won't feel a connection to them, either. I feel sad for people who live only for big life events. Those come so infrequently, but every day has its own little joys, and one is more content overall, and therefore a nicer person to be around, when they notice a frog in the garden or a cloud that looks like Mickey Mouse. A fine dinner out at a Michelin-starred restaurant is great, but so is a grilled cheese sandwich you made at home and ate in your jammies while watching a favorite old movie."
14. "Body policing. My mom and all her friends always commented on other people's bodies/styles/appearances, and it made me uncomfortable since I was a child. It was almost always negative, too. Even if it was a positive comment, it would be soaked in jealousy, 'Wow, she has a great body, must be nice.' I always shut it down or change the subject now."
15. "Racist, sexist jokes that make fun of people for who they are. I either stare back deadpan or just say it wasn't funny."
"That’s true for me, too. I just stare back at them and wait. I usually get accused of not having a sense of humor, and what I say is that they just need to have better jokes."
16. "I call people out when they cut me off mid-sentence or try to talk over me. The family I grew up in was so toxic this way. I had to learn proper communication skills on my own."
17. "Disrespect. I'm 67 years old, and I've earned my place in life, such as it is. I've had to spend my younger years being disrespected by my entire family, and I grew up as the black sheep because I didn't fit in the mold. I decided I was done with that mess years ago and now won't tolerate it from anyone."
18. "Anyone who talks down to me."
19. "Lying. That’s my biggest thing. No tolerance."
20. "Racism. I’ll just get up and walk out if I get a sniff of it. Doesn’t matter if I’m at the person’s wedding. I wouldn’t actively combat it when I was younger out of fear. Now I don’t care. I can make a scene, no problem."
21. "Sanctimonious people. Show me you're a good person, don't walk about as though you're wearing a neon sign announcing it."
22. "It’s cheapness for me. If you’re broke-ass, I understand. However, if you aren’t hurting for money, stop trying to get others to pay the check, stop trying to stay with me when there is a great hotel nearby. You’re a grown-ass adult, stop the cheap routine."
23. "I won’t tolerate ignorant sexist comments about women. It’s amazing how many of my male relatives think it’s fine to bash 'all women' to a female family member because of some gal who hurt them. Call your incel bros, brother; I don’t want to hear it."
24. "I tend to be shy and reserved at social functions, which leads to a lot of people singling me out and talking nonstop to me. I'm talking strangers telling me their parents beat them type talk. I've started being more honest with people about that kind of behavior being either inappropriate for me to hear, that I'm unprepared to help them with such a thing, or that I just simply couldn't care less. If you're gonna trauma dump on me, I charge by the hour. I'm not your therapist."
25. And finally, "Being super competitive about life events and successes. I’m only interested in being happy for each other."
